Jeeeeze….it’s Christmas already. WTF happened to the year? As I get older, it feels like I move closer and closer to the inside track of time. Everything goes by so fast, and I never really see any of it until I look back. Even then, I don’t really recognize much of it. Usually I can muster up a little holiday spirit, which is no small feat for a cynic such as me. I refuse to wear silly holiday clothing, silly Santa hats and the like, but I usually like to decorate a bit, play my Brian Setzer Christmas CD ad nauseam and
Unfortunately, I haven’t had a whole lot of luck getting festive this year. I have pushed off as many holiday duties on to my sister as possible. I owe her…big time. The most I have accomplished is the smallest amount of decorating and all of the baking. That’s it. I have been a half-ass present buyer – forget cool wrapping - and not into the holiday party thing at all. It just doesn’t feel like Christmas. What can I say? I’m a friggin’ Grinch this year.
Most of the year was spent unemployed and worried that I was never going to find a job. I didn’t let it stop me from going on a cruise to celebrate two friends’ wedding, but it was there in the back of my mind. I was still trying to process my sister’s passing a year earlier. It was a slow process, but it was getting easier. My father’s death in the late Spring, however, was a total shock and completely took the wind out of my proverbial sails. Even though I eventually jumped back into the world of the gainfully employed, there wasn’t a job in the world that was going to raise my spirits. Getting used to life without my dad around has been an exercise in futility.
Now, as I come face to face with the mother of all the holidays, I find myself thinking about what I want for Christmas. Usually, I get all greedy and can name 20 CDs I want, a few DVDs, and multiple gift cards and normally my silent wish for a new body is muttered nightly before I fall asleep. This year, I really don’t want any of the things I usually desire. This year, all I really want is to get through a year without something sad happening, and I want to move back towards the outside track of time and actually enjoy the life I’ve got. I know it sounds totally corny, but that is really my Christmas wish…well, I wouldn’t turn down the new body. The one I’ve got is a jacked up, hot effin’ mess.
