WTF? It’s Already Christmas???

Jeeeeze….it’s Christmas already. WTF happened to the year? As I get older, it feels like I move closer and closer to the inside track of time. Everything goes by so fast, and I never really see any of it until I look back. Even then, I don’t really recognize much of it. Usually I can muster up a little holiday spirit, which is no small feat for a cynic such as me. I refuse to wear silly holiday clothing, silly Santa hats and the like, but I usually like to decorate a bit, play my Brian Setzer Christmas CD ad nauseam and

Unfortunately, I haven’t had a whole lot of luck getting festive this year. I have pushed off as many holiday duties on to my sister as possible. I owe her…big time.  The most I have accomplished is the smallest amount of decorating and all of the baking. That’s it. I have been a half-ass present buyer – forget cool wrapping - and not into the holiday party thing at all. It just doesn’t feel like Christmas. What can I say? I’m a friggin’ Grinch this year.

Most of the year was spent unemployed and worried that I was never going to find a job. I didn’t let it stop me from going on a cruise to celebrate two friends’ wedding, but it was there in the back of my mind. I was still trying to process my sister’s passing a year earlier. It was a slow process, but it was getting easier.  My father’s death in the late Spring, however, was a total shock and completely took the wind out of my proverbial sails. Even though I eventually jumped back into the world of the gainfully employed, there wasn’t a job in the world that was going to raise my spirits. Getting used to life without my dad around has been an exercise in futility.

Now, as I come face to face with the mother of all the holidays, I find myself thinking about what I want for Christmas. Usually, I get all greedy and can name 20 CDs I want, a few DVDs, and multiple gift cards and normally my silent wish for a new body is muttered nightly before I fall asleep. This year, I really don’t want any of the things I usually desire. This year, all I really want is to get through a year without something sad happening, and I want to move back towards the outside track of time and actually enjoy the life I’ve got. I know it sounds totally corny, but that is really my Christmas wish…well, I wouldn’t turn down the new body. The one I’ve got is a jacked up, hot effin’ mess.

WTF Is it With Trying to Find a Job?

Let's face it - looking for a job sucks in every way possible. It sucks all of your time. It sucks all of your energy. Finally, it will suck every last bit of self-confidence you have. The longer it takes to find a job, the more you feel like you aren't worth hiring.

As many of you know, I was laid off some time ago. It was a blessed relief because I really hated what I did for a living even though I made really good money doing it. In the end, I truly believed that my daily grind wasn't worth the salary, and I would be more than happy to work somewhere for less, as long as it was something I at least kinda liked. I guess it sounds pretty corny, but I feel I'm better off happy than making a ton of money.

I still feel that way - I really do. I am standing my ground, but lately, it hasn't been that easy, and it seems the longer it takes, the more pissed off I am and the more likely I am to go fucking insane. I know it's tough out there for many people, and I am not the only highly educated and experienced unemployed person in the mix. Jobs are scarce and I have never felt that I was above certain types of jobs or more deserving than the next guy.  I have happily sent resumes to a variety of companies for a variety of positions. Some of them are only part time. Some of them offer awful pay and the bare bones benefits - like the If you cut your arm off, maybe we'll pay for it type of benefits.

I am also fully aware that it is definitely an employer's market out there. For every one position that opens, there are a hundred people who need the job, and the employers now have the upper-hand. The have the freedom to be much more demanding and finicky about who they want for that job.If I'm not exactly what they are looking for well, sorry to hear about my bad luck.

That doesn't piss me off. That's just the nature of the beast. What really frosts my cookies is the overabundance of rudeness I have encountered. I have sent out countless resumes and I have only received three...count them...THREE responses. What. The. Fuck. That is just shitty and offensive. I spent a lot of time tailoring my cover letter and resume to "apply" for the job. The least a perspective employer can do is send you a thanks, but no thanks letter so I know they at least read the friggin' thing.

Nonetheless, I must keep my nose to the grind stone, ear to the ground and all that shit while I continue my quest. I'm not a quitter...just a bitcher. Putting the rant down in words just relieves a bit of the pressure. Anyone have any employment-seeking horror stories? I'd love to commiserate with you.

The End of the Beginning Part III: No, Really - This is Finally the End

“It is not the end. It is not the beginning of the end. It is the end of the beginning.” – Sherman the Robot (Millennium, 1989)

The above quote from a kinda whack 80’s Sci-Fi movie actually served as one of my points of inspiration when I first set out on my written catharsis. I feel it speaks volumes about how I feel at this time of my life. My life isn’t over. It’s not even close to being over; however, the first half or so of it is. What’s done is done. Time to look ahead and figure out what happens next – and so much of that is all up to me. So now all I need to do is start. How about I start with what I can control?

Once again, I have decided to take another journey down the weight loss path. I have done this multiple times. I have always had a little success only to get bored or frustrated and ultimately give up. I have been at it for five weeks and have lost five freaking pounds. WTF? A pound a week? That’s great for a person that only needs to lose ten or fifteen pounds. It’s another story for me. If I keep going at this pace, I’ll die of old age before I lose all the weight I should. 

After careful reflection, I have come to the conclusion that I may have to actually work out to get this weight loss thing going. I hate working out, and by that I mean go to the gym and work out working out. I have done it before, and I have gotten very little out of it. It’s…its…boring! It’s not that I’m lazy. I’m not! I am probably one of the most active fatties I know. I just need to actually be doing something to get a work out. To assist me in this area, I have purchased a video game system with games where I have to seriously move around in order to play them. There is also the bonus of jerking around the room like I am having a seizure in the privacy of my own home. My extreme lack of rhythm demands that I not dance in public. It’s just too damn humiliating for me and distracting for everyone else.

Then there is the question of what I want to do professionally for the rest of my life. In this day and age, I am not embarrassed to say that it has been some time since I have worked. It is, however, time to get back on the working bandwagon again. I refuse to go back to the circle of Hell known as the insurance industry. I just can’t do it again. I sacrificed 12 years of my life to that wretched industry and I have sworn I would never go back. The problem is that I don’t really know how to do anything else.

I have realized that college and graduate school didn’t prepare me for jack shit in the real world. The only thing I learned whilst getting all that education is that I can write a twenty to fifty page paper about anything. That’s when it dawned on me. I do know how to write, and I actually like doing it. I have written short stories, poems, research papers and even a novel. I have started to do some quasi-professional writing on the side for extra scratch, but TRUST ME – I’m still basically unemployed. Writing for a living can be hard, and I may not make a lot of money doing it, but it’s easier to get paid just a little to do what you love than to get paid a lot to do something you hate. I know that for a fact.

So here’s to the end of the beginning of my life, and I couldn't be more pleased.